


The Sorrow of Emptiness

by Justadecision



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Fluff, M/M, kinda sad, overprotective liam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-21
Updated: 2015-03-21
Packaged: 2018-03-18 22:00:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3585570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Justadecision/pseuds/Justadecision
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn Malik, mysterious guy who likes to spend his time alone turned out to have a big secret. If his skin is touched by another person, then the person's memories of him will disappear. One day, he has to rescue someone who is so close to him, someone who is always there for him, the one who he secretly keeps his feeling for. Contention arise in his heart and mind, should he keep helping him with the memories of him risked and will disappear from his mind or not helping him at all?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Sorrow of Emptiness

"What?! What do you want, weak child! Hit me if you can!" A voice that deep a bit on hold due to laughter and ridicule, look right into the guy who stands in front of him, silent and not giving a fuck about what the other spats at his face.

That morning was calms and quiet moving around this two of boys . The morning winds that a little firmer hit them both, moving the ends of Zayn's black hair that covered by a head covering from his gray jacket, moving them to all directions. Zayn’s body which is now stuck to the wall, was detained by the same aged boy, with messy blonde hair, has a slightly higher height than Zayn, pull harshly the twisted scarf on Zayn’s neck, slightly stronger upward, forcing Zayn to stand up straight and head up pointed at that guy forcibly. The man stares with his gray eyes, looking straight in the Zayn’s eyes, with facial expressions clearly legible by Zayn if he was trying to embarrass Zayn. Zayn just looked at him with his calm, brown eyes that does not emit light, not looking too dark too. Calm brown eyes stared back at the boy’s sarcastically gaze.

"Well ..." Zayn said calmly without removing the gaze from the man, raised his left hand, pull off the black colored gloves that covered his hands away.  
He blinked, and sighed to convince if he is sure of the thing he gonna do soon. "I'm going to touch you ..."

The guy in front of Zayn smiled crookedly, clenched his fist and swung to Zayn’s cheek. Before his fist land on Zayn’s cheek, Zayn firstly touched the man's forehead. And ...

He immediately lost his memory about Zayn, 

only about Zayn.

 

"Zayn ... Zayn Malik?" Liam's voice gently broke the silence which happened after Zayn made a guy in front of him forget all about Zayn, their quarrels, everything.

Liam walked over to them both. Zayn removed his hand from the man's forehead, turned towards Liam and give his big smile at Liam.

"You’re the new student, yeah?” Liam walks straight to Zayn’s side, looking at his deep light brown eyes with slighted look and a little confuse.

“What is it, why do you two fight?” Liam has now stopped next to Zayn, looking at the two of them with his again confused stare. Both eyebrows lifted upwards, his eyes slightly wide open, his mouth slightly agape and his glasses now fallen slightly and perched on his nose now.

Zayn smiled softly this time, or perhaps trying to look kind. His eyes narrowed and smiled as he showed his teeth, enough to convince Liam that He looks happy and that is nothing has happened to him and the man in front of him. The man in front of him only can rub his back head, felt like something missing but he doesn’t know what was that. His messy blonde hair become messier now.

"Uh, you Liam Payne from the football club, isn’t it?" Zayn still smiling, looked at the man who was in front of him for a moment and looked back at Liam brown eyes which are also still looking at him.

Zayn fixing his head cover a little and inhale his breath softly, continuing his words, "Nothing happens. You can ask him if you do not believe me, he would not recognize who I am."

Zayn nodded and assign it to talk to the man who had been standing in front of him but now has moved to a tree near the fence of their school back yard. He stood still, a little confused over what happened before, why he really did not remember anything about the man who he nearly punched earlier.

Liam look at the guy, then look back at Zayn. He opens his mouth but close it again as if he is not sure what should he said. He straightened his back, "Do not recognize you? Isn’t he is your classmates? " Liam tried to filter out Zayn’s words. He gives that puzzled look to Zayn’s eyes. Zayn was a little shorter from Liam. Zayn walked forward approached Liam and stopped in front of him. The wind was a bit strong blows, blowing leaves and made the leaves fly around them.

"Yes, but surely he had forgotten. There is nothing about me that he remembered – inside his head." Zayn smiled slightly, his eyes were calm again and a little darken. He was looking into Liam’s eyes quietly, as if he tries to guess Liam’s next respond.

Liam pushed his glasses up a little, cleared his throat and breathing. He tried to think positive at this time, when all he heard from Zayn truly absurd. "Are you sure?" Zayn knows if Liam really sounds like he is not sure about everything but he tried anyway not to disappointed Zayn, which Zayn appreciated a little with gives him a warm smile instead a death glare.

"Of course." Zayn laughed, he thinks Liam was very stupid and knowing much about his secrets at this moment, which he did not like it if anyone try to get to know his secret. So he decided to erase the memory of Zayn from Liam’s mind before returning back to his class, yeah it's a good idea, he thinks.

Zayn walked closer and closer towards Liam, they are really very close, Liam could feel the breath that coming out from Zayn’s nose on Liam’s upper lip. But Liam stands still in his place, waiting for what will be done by Zayn to him soon. As enchanted by Zayn's eyes, he could not turn around and walked away, he stood up straight and looked at Zayn's eyes, waiting.

Zayn blackish brown eyes stares into Liam’s eyes. He raised his hands in the direction of Liam’s face. Liam opened his eyes a little wider, his pupils dilated signifies little astonishment, his mouth closed forcibly. Before Zayn could touch Liam’s forehead with the palm of his hand, Liam stop him with words - he said.

"So why ... why do your eyes look so sad, Zayn?"

Zayn was silent and stunned, dropped his arms to his side again. Something in Liam stopped him. He felt his heartbeat raced the beats, makes his blood run faster around his body. His dark brown eyes widened in disbelief over the words of Liam. Something in the words spoken by Liam calms him down, he was not alone, he thinks. Zayn felt like Liam cared about him, not like the rest of them.

 

Zayn and Liam. They were both standing in the backyard of their school even their classes soon begin. They both stand there, focusing and drowning in each other eyes, not realizing the man who lost his memory before already leaving both of them alone. The sound of leaves on the trees blowing by the wind revolving around them, that’s the only sound that they hear at the time, and Zayn own heart beats that distracting Zayn’s ears.

 

I live with pushed away all people that disturbing me.  
Let them leave me, not even remember me. Because what? They’re not deserve to know who I am.  
I enjoy my life like this.  
But I feel like this is really a miracle and courage,  
When I chose to tell my secret to this guy, to Liam.  
And it is also the reason why at that time I was afraid to touch him ...

 

"Zayn oi!" Liam shouted from a distance from the back of Zayn.

Zayn who was sitting alongside a bridge in the middle of the river behind their school, with his beloved dog, named Bruno. Zayn wearing a black leather jacket, cream scarf wrapped around his neck comfortably, white T-shirt with horizontal black stripes, black gloves clutching his wrist tightly, and his light cream skinny jeans, sitting on the grasses that growing spread in the old bridge. His black hair that looks a bit long, looks messy in perfect way. He turned towards Liam who walked over to him now and waved at him.

Zayn smiled gently towards Liam as he covered his head again with a head cover from his jacket.

"Hi, Li." Zayn gently patted the dog's head that began to bark at Liam who walks closer to them.

"What are you doing here? No, you're not trying to skip the class again today, right?" Liam stood next to Zayn, his arms folded across his chest. Eyebrows bent, and his lower lip slightly pressed firmly into the upper lip. He always felt annoyed if Zayn truant from school.

His dog that sat on the side of Zayn, walked over and rubbed against Liam’s feet and later sat beside Liam. Liam bit shocked and bent down to touch the dog's head gently.

"You, uh ... I do not know if you like a dog." Liam little looks happy, like a child who is given ice cream with a sudden in the afternoon heat. Brown eyes look a little shiny, pay attention to the dog carefully and then touch it again.

Zayn smiled staring at Liam. He never saw Liam time like this. However, Liam looks so soft and soothing. He needs someone like Liam in his side for the rest of his life, he thinks.

"His name is Bruno. I do not know who the owner is. He came to my house three weeks ago during a heavy rain, I fed him and he was so spoiled at me. He's a good dog." Zayn leaned a little forward to reach out and touch the dog's back gently.

"Oh," Liam nodded in understanding. And Liam suddenly remembered something.

"By the way" Liam stood back in his place, Liam looked down into Zayn’s eyes a little serious. "What are you doing here, under the sun? Did not you say you had a problem with the sun if it's touching down your skin?" Liam frowned again, making his glasses moved down to the tip of his nose. Zayn a bit surprised by the sudden from Liam’s voice pierced his ears.

"Oh y-yeah, I k-know, Li." Zayn blinked a few times until he really feels what he heard was real, Liam gives attention to Zayn. At least, Zayn was so happy to know someone remembered everything he said to them, especially when that someone is Liam. Zayn is scratching his hair awkwardly.

Liam bend his lips, looked at the clock which was wrapped on his left arm. He looked at Zayn, gives little attention to Zayn’s brown eyes and nodded. Liam walked a bit towards Zayn, to the outskirts of the bridge and sat next to Zayn. Zayn’s dog was sitting among them.

Liam straightening both his legs "so, --" Zayn was looking at him, waiting for him to continue his words.

"So, if your skin touched by someone else ... then the memory of you will be lost from them?" Liam bites the inside of his mouth. He is little disbelief but he had, indeed he seen it all.

Zayn nodded quickly, give a small smile to Liam "true." Liam look at Zayn seriously.

Zayn take much air inside his lungs, continuing speaking – He said "I got it from my mother's blood, and then decreased to me. I do not know if it's a curse, or a miracle for me. But increasingly, after live with this thing for a long time, I become more understood how to control it. At least, I can be practically eliminating someone from my life. When I do not want them, then I will erase their memories of me and they were leaving me." Zayn shift a little closer to Liam, his body lay on the floor of the bridge and put his head on liam's lap. Zayn closed his eyes for a moment, and look up into Liam’s noticeable eyes.

Liam saw serenity painted on Zayn’s face, "... unbelievable." Liam nodded assured if he believes though it was difficult.

"But unfortunately -" Zayn stretched, raised both hands and put it under his head, making his arm as a pillow. "-- It's all true." Zayn nodded, grinning towards Liam. Zayn raised his right arm and gently stroked Liam's jaw through his black glove.

Liam’s eyes wide open, like when he did first saw Zayn erased the memory of a person, his mouth slightly opened, his glasses perched on his nose again. Liam paused, looking the other way. He neither could say anything about it, nor change it from Zayn.

"Yes, I already know. I've seen it with my own eyes." Liam looked down, pushing his glasses up, took the little book out of his pocket and wrote something.

Zayn licked his lower lip and awake, sitting in front of Liam and slightly bowed, trying to see what Liam is doing. "You write something again, Liam? What is that? "

"No, just a little note about you to remind me someday." Liam replied without looking at Zayn.

"Oh" Zayn looked down also, look into the palm of his hand wrapped in black gloves. Liam knows this and hit Zayn’s head with his pen.

"Hey, Zayn. Stop the habit of yours that like to hang down your head. Look up, the sky was completely clear today." Liam frowned, looked annoyed and Zayn could only chuckle. He likes to see Liam felt annoyed who looks cute like this. Zayn touch Liam’s cheek gently and stroked it a moment before shook his head slowly.

"No, I do not like to look at an empty sky, no clouds. I do not like." Zayn looked down again, but Liam can see if Zayn draw a sad smile with his perfect lips.

"Empty sky, made me feel I was completely alone when I was looking at it." Zayn continued speaking while fixing his head cover.

Liam patted smile. "But you were with me today, right? I mean come on Zayn, look slightly upwards. You will feel so calm after this."

 

Zayn could only lift his head up, look in the eyes of Liam instantly, Liam gradually make him fall in love with him, and Zayn more afraid to lose him. Because for him, Liam's eyes the only thing that can calm him down. Liam still looking down at Zayn’s eyes and finally realize that he hold Zayn’s gaze for a long time.

“What?” Liam say and pouting his red lower lips, and Zayn can’t help it but pinched Liam’s cheek sweetly and laughing together in the bridge that separated a long deep river.

\--

The sky that clears, it reminds me of my father ...

 

'Zayn! Wear your gloves'  
'No, I do not want to. That gloves made my hands sweating, Hot! '  
'watch your footsteps down the stairs. Be careful, Zayn!'  
'Dad, look at that blue sky, the sky is so clear! It – DAD, DAAD!'  
'Zayn, Zayn !!'

My father pulled my hand, so I do not fall off the park’s stairs. He wanted to save me, but I can not save him from losing his mind about me

My parents split up because of me and my condition ...  
Mother is trying to convince my father, but my father still can not accept ...

'I told you about the condition of Zayn’s body, right?!'  
'I know it!'  
'So what?'  
'but I can’t feel my love for him, I do not feel he is my son. Even the name of Zayn I can’t even remember.’

 

Zayn looks down to his hands that not wrapped with gloves again. He felt something warm and wet now pouring out from his eyes and trickled down from his cheeks, he removed it with the back of his hand before the tears fall freely to the floor.

The sounds of the bedroom door being opened.

"Zayn .. Za-oh there you are – what’s wrong? Why are you daydreaming? Go to living room, grandma visit us." Zayn's Mother walks in, walks to a small chair beside the desk. 

Zayn was sitting on his window, and looked at the lighting from the streetlights and headlights of cars passing the road that looks like dozens of fireflies, a little reminiscent of Liam eyes color, that he knew is brown but a little shine too, which makes him sometimes feel if there was not only brown color inside Liam’s eyes.

He had his back to her mother, now shifted backward until he leaned his back through his black shirt that wrapped loosely at his body on the edge of the window and saw his mother standing beside him.

He smiled for a moment and then disappear with a little frown in his forehead "yes, uh just say I’m not in home." His mother raised brow like asking the meaning of Zayn’s words. Zayn looked at her for a moment and looked back down and talk again.

"It still the same when I meet them, they only talk about the bad side of me, like 'You still go to school? Sounds great. But don’t you dare to fail it and made our family’s name look bad in people eyes' You know mom, it's none of their business!" Zayn stood up, walked to the desk. He filled his bag, wore his gloves, jacket and scarf and walked to the door.

"Zayn … I’m so sorry" His mother looked a little hurt and disappointed, as she understands what is perceived by Zayn, all it be a curse or a miracle that she gave to Zayn, she knew it was inconvenient to Zayn’s life.

Zayn shook his head and smiled “No, mom. I don’t want you to feel guilty over this. My life is worked perfectly." Zayn gives his last smile to his mom, and turn around to the door. Leave his mom stands in the middle of the bedroom.

Zayn walked out of the house. He is running like he doesn’t know what to do. Until the road lead him to small park. He lays down on the bench, rest his mind for like a long time that he felt like forever and he start walking again. And this time he probably will continue to run until he felt tired and ended up in the school clinic. Look at the clock at his phone, it’s 5am and decided to sleep there until the next morning class.

\---

 

Liam decides to come early to school to make sure that Zayn not skipped the school again like yesterday. He does not know since when he became concerned with this guy that a little older than himself. After first checking the bridge and then field behind the school, he find no one, just another students who walk pass him, talking about their things. He run upstairs to Zayn’s class but still can’t find Zayn anywhere until finally he decided to look to the clinic and find Zayn were asleep there.

Liam walked in, closed the clinic door slowly like he was afraid to wake Zayn up. He walked to the side of the bed, pulled the chair out from under the table and pull it until it reach Zayn’s bed side. He sat down and stares at Zayn who was asleep and lay on his back. Zayn front hair that is a little long, thick and disheveled look sticking on his forehead because of the sweat, his eyebrows look calm etched on his forehead. The eyelashes are a little thick and tapering, his perfect tan skin, and lips ... red lips that a little ticker on his lower lip, and a perfect jaw bone sustain his face. He is really beautiful.

Liam felt he needed to calm himself. He moved his chair back near the table and began to write something on a small book that he has been pulled from his pocket earlier.

The sound of the bell rang that indicate the first lesson gonna be starting soon, and the voice from book’s paper being flipped, echoing and filled the clinic room which only Liam and Zayn in it.

Zayn woke up, opened his eyes and closed again until a couple of times until it becomes clear and saw Liam sitting on the clinic desk and working something.

"Uh, Liam?" Zayn stretched and turned to Liam. Liam turns his back and smiling towards Zayn.

"Hi, Zayn. Already awake? "Liam closed the book, put it back into his pocket.

Zayn yawned and nodded "what are you doing here? I do not remember if you were one of the clinic officer. "

Liam laughed even he knew he sounds so stupid and scratched the back of his head with a stiff "huh, I’m here want to make sure you’re not going to skip your classes again, but when I arrived here, I saw you slept and I don’t want wakening you up."

Zayn exhale and stare at Liam who is now looking out a large window from the clinic table.

"Liam ..." Zayn want to sound rude, but the voice that came out sounding like a voice gently suggested something. Liam turned towards Zayn again and raised his eyebrows.

"Why did you get so close to me? Why you aren’t afraid of me? " Liam is now wide open his eyes, his glasses were slipping towards the tip of his nose, like usual, he push up quickly his glasses while his mouth slightly open.

"Afraid? With you? Haha you should be grateful I'm not vomit at you right now." Zayn glaring at Liam who now can not help but laughing because of Zayn question.

"Oh yes, besides it…" Liam stood up and walked toward the shelves in the corner of the room clinic, close to the large window which has had a bright cream curtains and took a pair of scissors, walked back to the bed next to Zayn. Clinic room is not too big. Only has 2 single beds with white linens, table and two chairs for clinic officer which placed among both beds, and two large windows that spent the entire wall next to the bed.

"Hmm?" Zayn up and sitting with legs crossed on the bed.

"I'll fix your slightly long hair. At least you can see the road clearly." Liam showed scissors to Zayn's face and looks so happy.

"Never mind, Liam. I can do it myself at home later." Zayn shook his head and tried to lie back on the bed but Liam holds his arm a little tight but not hurting him.

"Zayn," Liam looked down into Zayn’s eyes, Zayn sees the seriousness through his dark brown eyes.

Zayn just can give him death stare shortly afterwards became resigned gaze because he knew, he would never be able to refuse a request that Liam made. He knows he never can refuse everything about Liam.

 

Liam finally smiled with delight when saw Zayn got up from the bed and walked to the window, opened that big windows so the morning air can enter freely into the room, because the air in the room is already scented with Liam’s perfume and Zayn knows he couldn't hold back his self any longer again.

Liam pulled two chairs and placing them near where Zayn stood, close to the large window. Zayn sit down and watching Liam get busy looking for a piece of paper on the desk. After that, he put the paper in Zayn’s lap. Liam brings his chair closer to the Zayn front, then sit, combed Zayn’s hair and start cutting hair little by little. Zayn only able to stare at Liam’s brown eyes that looks perfectly when he is focused.

"Zayn… are you holding your breath? Come on, just breathing. I do not mind if you breathing on my face. I don’t want you to die because of the stupid thing." Liam smiled seductively at Zayn, Zayn could only look at him with cold gaze even though he knew Liam could not see him because he was excessively focused at Zayn’s hair.

"Liam, why are you wearing glasses? You're ugly." Zayn stuck out his tongue, trying to look mocking although once again Liam could not see it.

"My eyes have minus, Zayn and it can not be stopped anymore. This might also heredity. And yeah, I consider your words as a compliment. "Liam smiled again.

Zayn took Liam’s glasses, lifting it slightly up and pay attention at it. Liam was forced to stop cutting Zayn’s hair because he could not see it clearly, He only can stares at Zayn with fatigue expression.

"Descent? Then I'm safe. As far as I know my dad's eyes are good -- " Zayn look closer to Liam’s glasses in the eye for a while and then wear it.

"uh I can’t see anything, so blur..." He tried and little smile towards Liam’s direction and tried to open his eyes, but his eyes so heavy and a little dizzy. Liam could only watch him and his childish side, chuckled and shook his head.

"Hmm what about your mother then, can she touch you -- oi Zayn give back my glasses to me" Liam tried to grab his glasses on Zayn’s hand, but Zayn pull it away from Liam, continue talking without bother at Liam death glares.

"Of course, the blood from my mother. Mom can hold me in peace." Zayn takes the glasses away from Liam and put it on the outskirts of a large window. Liam breathed impatiently at that.

Liam finally gave up and leaned on his chair. "Then, isn't that fun? Nothing can scare you, and your mother is always there for you ..." Liam chuckled and then smiled not see Zayn’s eyes in his eyes.

The wind was blowing outside and blowing curtains a little strong, until it reach Liam’s ear and Liam could only chuckled again, his eyes so bright and happy, he looks so calming without glasses. It felt Zayn can see into Liam’s deep brown eyes without any hindrance, and lost in those eyes. He had never seen such a beautiful Liam.

Liam a little surprised to see Zayn who stare at Liam seriously and no expression on his face. Liam thought he offend Zayn "no, I'm kidding Zayn ..."

Zayn stood up, pushed a chair which he had occupied backward with his feet, He pull Liam’s shirt up roughly,make Liam closely towards Zayn’s front body, Liam look up at Zayn’s eyes surprisely.

"Zayn," Zayn can hear a warning tone of voice Liam.

"Shut up, Liam." Liam mouth slightly open, a little surprised to Zayn, increasingly moved closer to Liam’s face. Zayn sustain Liam’s jaw, a little rough with his hands wrapped with gloves.

"No, Zayn I -" Liam tried a little move backward and away but Zayn stopped by holding Liam’s back head.

"I said shut up, Liam. Do not move." Liam felt all the hairs on his body stood up when Zayn gently stroked his jaw and his face approaching towards Liam. Liam could only stare at Zayn's eyes full of terrors, he knew what would happen if Zayn kiss him, he will forget Zayn, and no no no he is so not ready.

He felt that Zayn breath out on his mouth, feels warm on the lips. The distance between their lips just a bit, they are very close, but ...

Suddenly the bell ringing again, signing for the 3rd class will be starting soon.

They were both surprised and made Liam pushed Zayn away.

"What, bell again?? I’m not finishing cutting your hair -- uh where my glasses?!" Liam looked panic, but he's trying to look panicked because of the Bell not because Zayn had almost kissed him.

He walked to the shelf before putting scissors there, after taking his glasses on the edge of the window. Zayn can only stand beside the window noticed Liam with his brown eyes and a little darker. Liam walked back to Zayn.

"Uh I'm going to cut your hair again after school, now wear this hair clips." Liam pinning Zayn’s front hair with black hair clips that he found in the desk drawer before.

"You really scared the shit out of me, Zayn --" Liam smiled, while putting the hair clips on Zayn’s hair.

"-I thought you were going to kiss me earlier." Liam moved slightly backwards, look onto the floor and into Zayn's eyes again with a little smile.

"It is so impossible, Liam." Zayn tried looking at Liam's eyes, his eyes look really hurt but Liam still see Zayn trying smiled softly.

"If I kiss you, you'll forget --" his voice sounded a little iffy at Liam's ear, but liam trying to look calm and smiling again towards Zayn. While walking to the table clinic and took his backpack.

"Yeah, I know it, Zayn. Well I was in a hurry, do not miss any class anymore huh?" Liam walked out of the room and did not see the slightest towards Zayn again. Closing the door quietly behind him.

 

'I thought you were going to kiss me earlier'

 

"it’s really bad, I’m so stupid." Zayn hit his head, he was frustrated with the situation, sounding like he was going to cry. He really wants to kiss Liam, feel those lips on his lips, feeling their closeness. But it was all impossible.

 

\---

 

"Eat a lot Bruno, we both had to survive." Zayn poured dog food in the clean grasses, a little away from the back of the school. The dog wagged his tail quickly and then eating his food with gusto. Zayn crouched before him.

 

"Yeah, hated by a lot of people was not fun. We actually have the same life." The dog is finished eating, walked over to Zayn and sat before him. Zayn rubbed his head quietly, and as a reaction to the dog, he licked Zayn’s cheek, 

"No no, Bruno, stop --"

and ...

The dog did not recognize Zayn again.

"Bruno, no!" Zayn was shocked and stand up instantly on his first place. The dog is growled, it eyes narrowed Zayn. He did not recognize Zayn anymore.

Zayn can only stand like stupid people amid heavy rains as he clenched his hands hard at his side saw the dog run farter and farter away.

 

"Zaayn!" Liam calling from a distance, ran towards Zayn holding an umbrella up, protect him from rain.

"What are you doing, See you’re wet!" Liam looked panic and overarching but Zayn still back facing Liam, still looking at the direction of his dog went a while ago, and looking back at Liam.

"I love the rain, Liam." Zayn smiled weakly and Liam increasingly worried him.

"You do not bring an umbrella? Come on, I can walk you up to your house. "Liam try to hold Zayn’s arm but Zayn hands pushed his slightly away slowly.

"It’s okay. Thanks Liam." Zayn started running, and look back to Liam briefly and returned forward while walking towards the bridge near the river.

"I already told you, I love the rain. So I do not care if I have to get soaked like this." Zayn shouted from far, and Liam is still silent, stunned stare to Zayn that getting far away.

"Goodbye, Liam." Liam heard Zayn’s voice, although slightly drown by heavy rain sound.

 

If I did not expect, then I will not feel lost.  
If I do not get too close to him, so when I lose him, I will not feel as painful as it should.

 

"Zayn, wait!" Liam decided to follow him, sprinted to the end until he get close to Zayn and he slowed down but remains behind Zayn.

"Go home, Liam. Do not follow me. It’s danger here, this bridge is very slippery when it rains, and rivers are overflowing." Zayn little shout until he believes Liam could hear his voice through the sound of torrential rain amid strong.

"Zayn no, where do you want to go?" Liam continued to follow him, but Zayn did not listen.

"Where are you going, Zayn ?!" Liam stopped when he saw Zayn stopped not far from him.

"Tell me, Liam! Tell me where I have to go where no one recognized me!" Zayn speaks very powerful, words mixed with rain water.

"Zayn, what is it? Is there something going on?! Tell it to me..." Liam walked over slowly.

Zayn looks back, see inside Liam’s eyes "no, Liam. Not all things will going better with just say it out. Nothing. No, it's nothing between us." Liam slightly move backwards surprised. Zayn walks towards Liam fast approaching, opening his gloves and tried to hold Liam head with his palm.

 

"From now on, do not come near me again, liam." Liam managed to stop it again, capturing Zayn arm that wrapped by his jacket, pulled laterally, making Zayn looked at him. If eyes could kill someone, maybe Liam dead in a matter of seconds. But instead being fear, liam stares back at Zayn gaze.

"Zayn, no. Stop being so childish. I'll never leave you alone, I've said from the beginning, I will never leave you, Zayn. Tell me what happened!" Liam walked forward closer to Zayn, Zayn’s arms still clutched, tightly grabbed by liam. They stared at each other's eyes like wolves fighting over a carcass that is willing to kill anyone to get the carcass.

"Do not -" Zayn tried to pull his arm back, but Liam tightened his grip, which maybe later will leave a blue mark. Their eyes still do not want to release their gaze from one and other.

"Do not come any closer, Liam!" Zayn forcibly draw breath now somewhat difficult to do because of the cold air already pierced bones, weaken him. He pulled his arm out of the hands of Liam strong grip.

 

Liam pushed backward and slipped from the bridge.

Liam heartbeat already reverberating through his body, he could swim but he hated the river. One arm still gripping hold him to the outskirts of the bridge from fell into the river that are overflowing.

Zayn felt the breath he took was being pulled out from his lungs again, he sprinted towards Liam, and stood up on his knees, bent down trying to reach Liam.

"Liam, Liam look at me!" Liam looked up, but looked down again because his eyes can not stand exposed, rain keep falling and wash his eyes and he could not see clearly Zayn.

"Liam, Give me your hand I will try to reach you, I --" Zayn held out his hand, trying to grab his hand, but Liam shouted stop.

"DO NOT! No, Zayn. Don’t you fucking dare to touch me! Don’t you fucking dare, Zayn!" Liam shouted, and his words sounded like a sore, he had a fight with himself if he is ready to fall into a deep river than to forget about Zayn.

"Liam," Zayn trying to convince Liam, his voice so low and soothing Liam for a moment.

"No, Zayn. I'm so sorry. I always make you uncomfortable. But I, somehow, I do not want to lose my memory about you Zayn. I want to always remember ... "

Liam Fingers wasn’t able to hold his weight any longer, and finally his hands apart from the outskirts of the bridge.

 

Liam fell into the deep river.

 

"Liam!" Zayn shouted and ran towards the end of the bridge, and down to the outskirt swollen river. He kept running with the flow and stop when he saw Liam was on the outskirts of the river, held back by the stones so that his body wasn’t swept away again.

"Liam Liam Liam!" Zayn sprinted towards Liam who was lying on the ground, Zayn crouch down and put his ear to the Liam’s nose, closely but not touching Liam’s nose.

He is not breathing ...

"Liam, please wake. Liam please, breathing!" Zayn sat down. He did not dare to hold Liam, he left both his glove on the bridge. He was frustrated and scared. He did not want to lose Liam, he did not want Liam also do not remember everything about them both.

Zayn stood up, he was so emotional, he wanted to scream as loud as possible until his throat was bleeding, he did not care if it could wake Liam up. But he realized it was not possible. He must give artificial respiration to Liam. Liam was willing to sacrifice his life for Zayn, then Zayn also must be willing to sacrifice for the sake of their memories for Liam’s life. He pulled his hair hard, and looked down to Liam’s face that already started paler and paler.

"Liam," Zayn knelt beside Liam. He looked down, and felt the rain water flowing down his cheeks warmly, or maybe it was not the rain. But tears.

"Liam, - I know this kind of relationship will never be able to work. But that day - "Zayn wiped his tears, remember clearly all his days he spent with Liam.

 

'So why your eyes looks so sad, Zayn?'

 

Something beats inside my body,

So ...

 

"I feel you find myself that I had long forgotten --"

"I'm glad to know you, Liam."

 

'if I kiss you, then you will forget me, Liam ...'

 

"I like you, Liam. I like you since you first said my name. The first time you remember a little thing about me. The first time you take care of me, Liam. I love you. "

 

If there is a name,  
Behind all this pain ...

 

Zayn wiped tears from his eyes again, pulling in his fragile breath and looked down. Zayn lowered his mouth to Liam’s mouth and give artificial respiration.

He tried, but failed.

He emphasized his hands on Liam’s chest, and blowing air into the mouth again. The tears continued to flow,

he continues to try it, repeat it, Liam lips already cold, as like Zayn kissed the ice at the time. Zayn hard biting his lips, he is not ready to lose Liam. He tried again until he felt Liam remove the air from the nose and Zayn move backward. Liam was awakened, coughed a few times until he woke up.

"Oh holly -" Liam sat up and looked at Zayn with brown eyes that Zayn missed, but he is not the same as before. Zayn did not see Liam comfort shade, but his eyes radiated like stranger.

"Are you the one WHO saved my life?" Liam asked Zayn a little confused and Zayn can only smile.

"Who ... who are you?"

"I just walk pass the bridge when you felt down to the river." Zayn looked up and smiled. He walked away leaving Liam who was still sitting on the river bank with the full question.

\----

Zayn next day found himself back to the place where the last time he spoke with his Liam. Last time Liam mentioned Zayn name without hesitation. Zayn gaze stopped on a book lying on the ground near a big tree. Zayn took it.

 

"This is Liam’s book, isn’t it? ..." Zayn raised his eyebrows and began to open the first page.

 

'This is about a guy in school named Zayn.'

 

Zayn frowned, a little in disbelief over what he has read "what is this ..." he kept open the next sheet.

 

October, 21.  
I met this guy behind the school yard, he was fighting with his classmate, and so impossible that his classmate not knowing him after that ...

October, 30.  
He did not enter his class again, but instead he was sitting on the bridge near the river a little far from school yard.

November, 1.  
I honestly found him sleeping in school clinic again. Decided to help him fixing his hair, but ended up like, ah, you know. I got butterflies on my stomach.

 

Zayn continue reversing asked, quickly read all the writings of the book and stopped when his eyes found those written in red ink.

 

'If someday I forgot Zayn ..  
At that time I will read this again.  
I believe after reading it, I'll remember him again.  
I can not leave Zayn all alone, I do not want to do it.  
Or maybe I fell in love with Zayn ... '

 

"It says here, all about my daily activities, and a message for himself ..."

"What does this mean? What do you want, Liam ... "Zayn close Liam’s book, put it into his pocket. He held his head, feeling as the stupidest person in this whole world.

 

"Ah, it's true, you're the guy from yesterday." He looks behind him, find Liam jogging down to him.

"... Yes." Zayn said quietly. "How is your condition?"

"I'm feeling good. I myself do not know why I fell into the river.” Liam looks around, to the river, to the bridge and back to Zayn.

"I found your glasses" Zayn said without any expression.

"Ah thanks, I found its hard to see without it. I bothering you? " Liam chews his lips and Zayn just smile and shake his head.

"You're wearing hair pin? Weird. Why do not you just cut your hair if it is already long?"

 

'Zayn’s face always calm, I always wanted see him,  
I want to cut his hair, so that his face looks clearer .. '

 

"Someone gave it to me. He is someone who is perfect for me. He cares and is always watching me. He also cut my hair, although was stopped in the middle. He left me all alone now, so jerk." Zayn said drumming his fingers on his lap.

 

"Hmm. Why do you always look down? Come see above, blue sky and no clouds at all. "

 

'Zayn did not like the empty sky,  
He said he felt so alone if he saw it.  
But to me it does not, then I should immediately tell this to Zayn,  
If in empty sky ... '

 

"I do not really like if the sky was empty." Zayn sounds normal and calming, look right back at Liam’s eyes that not leaving him from before.

 

"No no, you're wrong. Sky is not … empty. There are blue in it." Liam giggling excited and tap Zayn’s shoulder "Quick look at it, okay?" Zayn look up at Liam eyes, still the same eyes, but without warm light that Zayn believe Liam gave only for him.

 

'if in empty sky, I saw him, I saw Zayn ...'

 

"Yes, maybe ..." Zayn nodding slowly and Liam smile sweetly at him.

 

A moment later, I was able to get through this pain. Someday ...

 

"Tell me Liam, you will want to remember my name this time?" Zayn holds Liam’s arm, but let it go after he gets Liam’s attention.

"I .. uh you know my name? uh I mean well, no yeah okay I will?". Liam looked a little surprise but keep nodding.

"I'm Zayn." Zayn said it clearly.

"Zayn?" Liam raises his brows up, and Zayn nodding again.

 

"Zayn."

"I will remember it, Zayn." Liam smile proudly at Zayn, Zayn.. keep looking at his eyes with big hope that one day he can see the light that he used to see inside Liam’s eyes again. Because Liam’s eyes are the only thing that keeping Zayn alright.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, this is my first story on wattpad too, you can talk to me from there too if you want, mine is madlyonfire.  
> If you read this, i want to say thank you so much for giving this story a time. I hope you enjoy this so far.  
> *Btw i got inspiration for this story from Japanese comic title 'Touch of Emptiness' :)


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